RAWFactor
by Anck-Su-Namun16
Summary: Chapter 5: Are Billy and Chuck’s lessons too harsh? Also, the match between “Big Val” and Big Sexy! Feedback welcome, death threats aren’t. J
1. Basically, an Intro

AN- Hmmm....Okay, this was meant to start out as a WWF Fear Factor with the stars I chose but....well, it went weird after I killed the Guy. (You're saying 'what Guy?' You'll find out) The idea for this came when I saw Steve Baldwin dissin' everyone on the celebrity Fear Factor. I was thinking about DDP at the time and his 'Breathe in, Breathe out, Think Positive' lessons to Christian. (They both are in the fic. And, It's not a bad thing, It's a GOOD thing! ....... Sorry, couldn't resist) I was going 'If he told everyone to think positive and inhale, and Goldust was in the cast, they'd probably duke it out. There will be lots of HHH bashing whenever I can fit it in. I just don't like the FountainBoy. I'll post a little bit,and if you like my oddness and weirdness, lemme know. My funny scenes series shows off my oddness quite well, or so I am told. *sees that everyone has already skippped ahead to the fic....* Ahem. *shrugs...might as well* SCOTT HALL IS A HOTTIE!!!! *blushes as everyone looks at her* Ummm.......Oh yeah! This is my first WWF fic. Pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssseeeee R/R!!!! *big smile* : D  
  
Disclaimer- I hate these dumb things. But, anyway.....I don't own any of these people I mention. Just like to play around with odd little ideas that pop up. Now that half my audience is asleep, onto the fic....  
  
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*Guy from Fear Favtor walks up and looks to the audience with that 'I've been smellin' what the Rock is cookin' toooooo much' look. He has an odd habit of not....blinking...at.....all. He begins his boring...uh, *exciting* intro. Author forgets his name, so, Author just calls him Guy*  
  
GUY- These are very dangerous. They are also very hazardous to one's health and mental stability. They should be attempted at home.  
  
AUTHOR- Uh..... o_O  
  
GUY- *blinks for the first time in the last 10 minutes.* Oh. Yeah. They SHOULDN'T NOT be attempted at home. *shakes his head in confusion* Damn you, Triple H! *apologizes to the audience* I asked him to write out the cue cards, and well....you know him. He likes to spit water everywhere and be wet.....*smiles* And, that's NOT a bad thing....  
  
(VOICE FROM BACKSTAGE) You steal my line and I'll "positively" kick your ass. And THAT is a good thing....for me anyway.  
  
GUY- Ummmm..... *clears throat nervously* These stunts are performed by....  
  
AUTHOR YAWNS  
  
GUY- Hey, it's my job! Gimme a break!  
  
(BACKSTAGE: Chuck and Billy sing the kit-kat bar song with great enthusiasm. Everyone just slowly, cautiously, backs away from the "partners". They don't want to catch whatever weird mental disease Chuck and Billy have)  
  
AUTHOR- Not anymore, uh...., whatever-your-name is! *deletes him from the fic* o_O SHIT!! Now, my fic is without a host....  
  
UNDERTAKER- Are you disrespecting me?!?!?!?!?! I'm the Dead Man Walking!! I want, no, I DESERVE to be the host, you stupid bitc-----  
  
AUTHOR- *readies the delete button* You wanna finish that sentance, Dead Man?  
  
UNDERTAKER- Uh..............no.  
  
AUTHOR- Thought so. Now then...... *Brings in one of her fave hotties: Beni Gabor from The Mummy. Beni smiles, thinking about how rich he's going to be. Turns around and slams right into Kane's chest. Beni glances up, sees Kane, and runs from the fic.* Damn it all to....  
  
KANE- HELL!!! HELLFIRE!!!!! *does his intro...you know the one. Flames shoot up from all corners of the ring*  
  
TRIPLE H- *screams like a girl and runs to the ring, quickly throwing water on his head. Runs to one corner, and does the spit-up thing he likes to do. Extinguishes all the flames. Smiles proudly*  
  
AUTHOR- *smiles innocently as KANE walks to the back room. As soon as he is gone, I bring the flames back up....just to watch TRIPLE H be his usual moronic self again. Gets bored of that and sends him back to the locker room or whatever it's called* Okay, well, I guess I'm the host of this mostly plotless plot.  
  
Y2J- *comes to the ring, carrying the belts....as usual* I'M THE BEST!!! ME!!! I DEMAND TO BE THE HOST!!! MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME!!!!!  
  
*Suddenly, the nWo come out. Y2J looks at them, confused.*  
  
Y2J- *angry* YOU DARE INTERRUPT THE LIVING LEGEND'S SPEECH? *pauses. Pulls out a huge Dictionary and looks up all the words he just said, except for 'Living Legend'. He overloaded his mental capacity again.......*  
  
KEVIN NASH- We are......*confused. Looks at the script and turns to Hogan* Uh......why'd we come out?  
  
HULK HOGAN- *Looks at the script as well* I have no idea......Wait. *they both look at SCOTT HALL, who is fixing his ever-geled hair, making sure the bang is just right. HULK HOGAN looks back at KEVIN* Do you need to ask, brother?  
  
KEVIN NASH- Yeah, as a matter a fact I.....*looks at SCOTT HALL, then at the AUTHOR* Nope, never mind.....  
  
SCOTT HALL- What? The AUTHOR wanted us to come out. So, we did. It's not because she likes me or anything.....................*blows a kiss to the AUTHOR*  
  
AUTHOR- *catches the kiss and blows him one right back*  
  
KEVIN NASH, HULK HOGAN- Oh, good grief........*they roll their eyes and leave. After a moment, SCOTT HALL realizes they left and follows them out*  
  
AUTHOR- *blushes* Ahem. Anyway..........Uh...what were we doing again?  
  
Y2J- We were discussing on promoting me to HOST.......  
  
AUTHOR- No, Jericho. I have someting more important planned for you...  
  
Y2J- *After looking up the word 'important', he turns to the AUTHOR* Reeeeeeeaaaaaalllllly?  
  
AUTHOR- Really, really. You're in our first match.  
  
Y2J- WWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOHHHHHOOOOOO!! It's about time I got the respect I deserve!  
  
UNDERTAKER- *whispers to the AUTHOR*  
  
AUTHOR- Nope. You won't be fighting him. It's not that kind of a match.......*thinks*......Although, if you wanted to interrupt the next match, be my guest. But, if you interrupt, that means you have to participate...  
  
UNDERTAKER- *gets nervous and remains quiet*  
  
*CHRISTIAN'S intro plays as he makes his way to the ring. A PENCIL comes into the picture and deletes the belts from Y2J's shoulders*  
  
Y2J- Hey!! I'm the Living Legend! THE UNDISPUTED CHAMPION, you ass clown......!!  
  
*PENCIL hovers dangerously close to Y2J's mouth*  
  
AUTHOR- You want to repeat that, sucka?  
  
Y2J- *nervously* Um....no, not at all.......  
  
BOOKER T- *thinks about complaining about the use of his phrase. Thinks about GUY who got deleted so quickly and decides against it. Realizes he had 2 full, complete thoughts. Does the SPIN-A-ROONI in excitement.  
  
Y2J- Um...........This is nothing like Fear Factor.......  
  
AUTHOR- You'd rather eat bull's testicles and be covered in bugs instead of this match? That can be arranged......  
  
Y2J- *quickly changing the subject* So, uh, what kind of match is this, anyhow?  
  
*CHRISTIAN steps into the ring and looks around, noting the abscence of a ref.*  
  
AUTHOR- Well, Mr. Legend, what do you think this match is?  
  
Y2J- *thinks about this*  
  
..............five minutes later  
  
Y2J- AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! MY HEAD HURTS!!! I THOUGHT TOO MUCH!!!!!!  
  
AUTHOR, DDP, nWo, CHRISTIAN, UNDERTAKER, KANE, HHH, CHUCK & BILLY, anyone else I will add- o_O  
  
AUTHOR- Well, Genius, it's a.........TANTRUM MATCH!!!! Whoever throws the best tantrum, wins. *turns to UNDERTAKER* Will you be interrupting......?  
  
UNDERTAKER- *quickly shakes his head no*  
  
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AUTHOR- Well, do you want me to continue? If you'd like to see any certain WWF Superstars in any certain odd match, lemme know via e-mails. You could post it in a review, but either way, I'll take your suggestion into consideration. Don't bring up any stars from the 80's or 90's that aren't around now.....I only started watching WWF in November of 2001. Well, anyway, r/r!!! 


	2. And another Chapter.......

AN- Thanks for all your reviews and suggestions! I might challenge myself by writing the Hall/Edge match. I like them both, but if I had to choose, Hall would win, of course. Anyway, onto my humorous, but plotless, fic!  
  
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CHRISTIAN- *lounges on the ropes like he did at Royal Rumble........until he hears about what kind of match this is. He falls off the rope.....gracefully, though. Stands up, looking at the author.  
  
CHRISTIAN- WHAT?!? I don't throw tantrums! I DON'T,I DON'T,I DON'T,I DON'T,I DON'T,!!!! *DDP comes out, holding CHRISTIAN by the shoulders.  
  
DDP- Breathe, Christian, Breathe.......  
  
Y2J- *bored, watching a movie on the big screen where the intros are SUPPOSED to be played* RUN, FORREST, RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
ALL- o_O  
  
Y2J- Uh........... *His motto: when all else fails, stick to what you know best......after he looks these words up in the dictionary, of course* I'M THE LIVING LEGEND!!!!!  
  
AUTHOR- *ignoring Y2J's statement....as usual* That's right! A Tantrum Match! Kinda like a street fight...no countouts, tapouts, or disqualifications.  
  
DDP- *whispering to CHRISTIAN; CHRISTIAN nods, smiling. DDP hands CHRISTIAN a box, and points to Y2J. CHRISTIAN walks to Y2J.  
  
AUTHOR, *of course, has turned off Forrest Gump. Hears a request from someone in the back-room. Turns the requested movie on......*  
  
CHUCK AND BILLY- *holding tissues to their eyes* NO, LASSIE, DON'T GOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! *they hold each other, tears flowing freely. STONE COLD throws beer on the two.....They take no notice of it.*  
  
CHRISTIAN- *taps Y2J on the shoulder*  
  
Y2J- YOU DARE TAP THE LIVING LEGE--*CHRISTIAN hands him the box, opening it* HEY!!!! A LAPTOP!!!! AWESOME!!! *CHRISTIAN whispers something to Y2J* Forfeit....For the laptop?? *a BRIGHT IDEA pops in his mind..............it quickly diminishes* OKAY!!!!!!!  
  
AUTHOR- Uh.............that's not the kind of match I meant..........Now, the audience that is still with me, and HAVEN'T left the story, they want to see both of you throw a tantrum.....they want to see a match!  
  
Y2J- *runs to THE ROCK, holding his laptop behind his back* HEY!!!! Guess what I got!!!!!!!!!!  
  
ROCK- A brain, Jabroni?  
  
Y2J- NO!! *pauses. There's an insult in there somewhere, he was sure of it. ---- Oh well!* AN AWESOME LAPTOP!! AIN'T IT JUST, LIKE, SO COOOOOL ???  
  
ROCK- No. *shrugs and walks away*  
  
KANE- Need help, you.  
  
Y2J- Huh?  
  
KANE- *rolls his eyes* You need help.  
  
Y2J- Whatever.  
  
AUTHOR- *wonders where this fic is going......* Ummmmmmmmm......okay. I can deal like..  
  
KURT ANGLE- Like a crispin' clean, washin' machine! *proudly smiles to himself. He was getting the hang of this slang stuff*  
  
AUTHOR- Uh......no. Anyway, next match. *pauses* WHAT IS THE NEXT MATCH?!?!?!  
  
KURT ANGLE- ME FOR THE UNDISPUTED CHAM-----  
  
SCOTT HALL- *Comes up and beats KURT ANGLE down*  
  
AUTHOR- Thanks, hun.  
  
SCOTT HALL- No prob.  
  
AUTHOR- Okay, seriously now. I need to quit typing aimlessly. WHO---  
  
STONE COLD- WHAT?!  
  
JIM ROSS- 's Going To Wrestlemania!?!?  
  
AUTHOR- GET YOUR ASS OUTTA THE STORY!!  
  
JIM ROSS- k. *leaves*  
  
AUTHOR- OKAY!!! WHO--don't you interrupt, Stone Cold--EVER OFFERS A MATCH NEXT, WILL HAVE IT!  
  
BILLY- 'Have it'? OHHhhhhhh! I get it!! *CHUCK giggles like a lil school girl and the two high-five each other's hand.....then each other's ass.......*  
  
CHRISTIAN- Uh, hello!! I JUST WON! ME!!!!!!! DON'T IGNORE ME, DAMMIT!  
  
DDP- Calm, CHRISTIAN, calm! Breathe....inhale.......  
  
GOLDUST- *does the inhaley thing* That's my line. I'm the only one that inhales around here!  
  
TRIPLE H- *takes a quick inhale and then hides a dope joint*  
  
DDP- Aren't you supposed to start with a quote, G.D. ?  
  
GOLDUST- Yes, true. But my library of quotes is limited by the AUTHOR's weak intelligence.  
  
KURT ANGLE- Oh, it's true! It's DAMN true!  
  
SCOTT HALL and the nWo- *beat the crap out of KURT....again*  
  
AUTHOR- Thanks again, hun! *kisses him passionately*  
  
SCOTT HALL- *kisses back*  
  
*HULK HOGAN & KEVIN NASH roll their eyes. CHUCK & BILLY wonder if they have kissed like that before. The rest..........just ignore the two*  
  
GOLDUST- *Anyway*, I challenge you, Pika....Uh, I mean....DDP!!!  
  
DDP- You're on!! *thinks about this a moment* What kind of match? *CHRISTIAN leaves.....stealing DDP's European title belt when he does*  
  
GOLDUST- An inahling match, of course!  
  
DDP- o_O Uh........................ooooooooookay. *Wonders EXACTLY what GOLDUST has been inhaling....*  
  
TRIPLE H- *takes a quick whiff of his joint again. Sees his boyfriend, KANE, giving him a weird look* I didn't get it from Goldust, honest! *holds up the Golden joint with the name, GOLDUST, clearly written on it* Uh...........damn it.  
  
GOLDUST- *tries to think of a quote* Flesh is a trap.....and magic sets us free!  
  
INFORMATION DUDE- Actual quote from a great movie called, Lord of Illusions.  
  
CHUCK AND BILLY- Why'd Lassie have to go? *both sob uncontrollably. Booker T steals into the controls and rewinds that part over and over. He counts out the many $10 bills he received to do it*  
  
DDP- My friend, that has nothing to do with this match. Think...Positive. *sits on the mat, cross-legged* Meditate with me...........Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm *meditates*  
  
GOLDUST- STOP!!!!!! Too much Positivity!!!!!! Need....weirdness!!! *Searches desperately for weirdness. CHUCK AND BILLY don't count....everyone knows their gay.* I'M MELTING! MELLLLLLTIIIIIINNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!! *all his make-up melts off to reveal a skinny nerd with braces and buck-teeth. He quickly runs out of the fic*  
  
JERRY "KING" LAWLER- Well, we've seen The Power of the Punch from Regal, and now we see the Power of Positivity by DDP!  
  
AUTHOR- *thinks a moment.......hmmmm* KING,  
  
KING- I remember the last time a woman said that. No, wait. She was "screaming" it....  
  
AUTHOR- That's nice. Anyway, I think Stacy Keibler is lonely.....  
  
KING- And she screamed and.....WHAT????  
  
STONE COLD- Don't make kick your ass, WHAT??? CAUSE I SAID SO!!  
  
Y2J- That doesn't even make sense, SC.....  
  
KING- YOU SAID STACY WAS WHAT????? LONELY!!!!!...BYE!! *goes to the back room*  
  
DDP- *watches KING run* Wow, he can sure run fast. Must be for something very positive......  
  
SCOTT HALL- Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. *rolls his sexy brown eyes*  
  
KEVIN NASH- Are they brown?  
  
INFORMATIVE DUDE- They are now. AUTHOR can't see his eyes too well on her pics.......  
  
HULK HOGAN- I'M the leader of the nWo.....so how come SCOTT gets so much on here?  
  
KEVIN NASH- Because he's young and sexy *pauses* according to the AUTHOR, I mean. And you're old and not so sexy.........according to the AUTHOR, of course.  
  
HULK HOGAN- *gives him a weeeeeeeiiiiird look* I'M STILL HOT! *stretches into what he perceives to be a sexy pose* AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I BROKE MY HIP!!!!!!  
  
KEVIN NASH- Like I---uh, I mean, the *AUHTOR*----said, you're not so young and sexy anymore.  
  
EDGE- *walking around, passing out free bottles of his Shampoo*  
  
SCOTT HALL- Loser. *adjusts his perfect hair* He can't even compete with my hair.  
  
INFORMATIVE DUDE- *wonders why he isn't getting paid for this....* A match between Edge and Scott Hall was an idea from one of the reviewers.....  
  
Y2J- Ass Clown, I'll give you $50 to leave this fic for good.  
  
INFORMATIVE DUDE- Let me see the money.....  
  
Y2J- *hands him the money* Now, leave.......  
  
INFORMATIVE DUDE- Why would I want to? I've made $1,000 from a lot of wrestlers to leave. They all fall for the same trick.......  
  
Y2J- What trick?  
  
INFORMATIVE DUDE- My point exactly.........  
  
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AN- Well, that's enough for the second chapter. Let me know what you think, as usual! And to answer your question of why I make fun of HHH: BECAUSE HE'S A LOSER!!! As for his "hotness", Scott Hall can kick his ass any day..................wait. IDEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *evil laughter* Serious HHH bashing next time......  
  
If there's any particular wrestler you'd like to see, lemme know. 


	3. Sexy Idiocy

AN- What is it with Kurt and Milk? Hmmmm.....I'm guessing since he's the "Olympic Hero" that he posed for one of those "Got Milk" ads. Well, anyway, I'd like to thank all of my reviewers. *gives each one a just-made, warm brownie* And, thanks to HHH.....for giving me even MORE reasons to bash him!! Booyaka!  
  
ROCK- Okay......I know of the term 'Jabroni', but what in the blue hell is Booyaka??  
  
KURT- Hell isn't blue. AAHHHHHH!!!! YOU GOT ME SAYING A BAD WORD!! I CAN'T DO THAT!! I'M THE RED,WHITE, AND BLUE MACHINE!!! I REPRESENT AMERICA!!!  
  
SCOTT HALL- God, help us.....  
  
KURT- Grrrrrrrrrrrrr  
  
INFORMATIVE DUDE- 'Booyaka' is an expression she uses to excaim her happiness. She assumes it is of Japanese origin from the game Final Fantasy 8.  
  
BILLY- *giggles mischeviously* Well, you know what they say about ass-u-me- ing, don't you?  
  
HHH- No, what?  
  
ALL- o_O  
  
Y2J- Ass clown.  
  
CHUCK- 'Ass-u-me'?? *wink, big smile* Well, if you insist, Billy!  
  
HHH- You dare to mock my.....uh........  
  
KURT- Intelligence?  
  
HHH- That's the word! Thanks, Olympian!  
  
KURT- Clear and clean like a sweet green bean! *smiles proudly. All he needed was his Milk, and his faveorite book, "Slang For The Big Dummies" *  
  
HHH- Anyway, I am the Undisputed.......uh.......  
  
Y2J- *smiles wickedly* Moron, Idiot, Ass Clown....  
  
HHH- Yeah! Wait......o_O......Anyway, Where was I? Oh, yeah. I am the Undis....dis...-DAMN THESE LONG WORDS!- Undispooted Champ......Champ......FOUNTAIN BOY!  
  
AUTHOR- You said it!  
  
EDGE- Is it just me, or is HHH acting *really* weird?  
  
Y2J- You mean dumber than usual?  
  
EDGE- Yeah.  
  
KANE- Just you, not. Broke up with me, he did. Sad, I am.  
  
AUTHOR- You two breaking up isn't in the script........  
  
MR. PERFECT- He's found a more perfect companion! Perfect hair.....  
  
EDGE & BOOKER T- Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......  
  
MR. PERFECT- Perfect body......  
  
VAL VENIS AND KEVIN NASH- He's asking for it.......  
  
MR. PERFECT- *sees Chuck and Billy* Perfect **natural** blonde hair.....  
  
BILLY AND CHUCK- Ours is natural! Honest!!! *sniffle, sniffle*  
  
MR. PERFECT- Perfect.......  
  
AUTHOR- OKAY!!!! *rubs her aching hand from writing the 'perfect' word so much*  
  
KURT- So, who is this perfect guy?  
  
MR. PERFECT- ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
EDGE, BOOKER T, VAL VENIS, KEVIN NASH, BILLY & CHUCK- ATTACK!!!!  
  
*Mr. Perfect gets a beat-down and leaves the fic*  
  
ROCK- The term is "SmackDown"  
  
AUTHOR- Well, whatever. He's.....  
  
AUTHOR & SCOTT HALL- DOWN......AND.......OUT!!!!! *high five*  
  
CHRISTIAN- Why haven't I appeared in this fic yet?  
  
Y2J- You just did.....  
  
CHRISTIAN- You know what I mean. And....hey! Where's DDP and Undertaker?  
  
INFORMATIVE DUDE- Them, and you, are starring in the AUTHOR's other fic, "Inner Demons." So....leave.  
  
CHRISTIAN- But, I don't wanna!!!!  
  
BILLY- *sing song* Ohhhhhhhhh Chris-tian! Coooooome, heeeeeeerrrrre! We could use another blonde in our group.....  
  
CHRISTIAN-....... I'm out!! *leaves quickly*  
  
Y2J- Informative, I thought I paid you to leave.  
  
INFORMATIVE DUDE- Your point?  
  
Y2J- My point is that you should respect my wishes to leave as I asked you kindly to do.  
  
ROCK- Jabroni? When did you get so....so.....  
  
Y2J- Intelligent?  
  
ROCK- If *that* is what you call it. You're using big words and you haven't bragged or said "Living Legend" at all! I'm worried....  
  
Y2J- The reason, Rock, is simple. *pulls out a piece of paper and begins to read* Those who wear and/or have on posession the Undisputed Championship belts, will be rendered idiotic. This state of idiocy will remain with the wearer, aka, Living Legend, until Vincey Mac' or the AUTHOR, changes the owner of the belts.  
  
KEVIN NASH- Then why'd you keep them for so long?  
  
Y2J- *shrugs* I like to brag.  
  
KEVIN NASH- Oh, okay. *sits down in front of a mirror to brush his long, beautiful, silky-looking hair.*  
  
BILLY & CHUCK- *drooling* Long.....beautiful.....hair......  
  
KEVIN NASH- *smiles wickedly. Puts the brush down and stands. Throws his shirt off, throwing it into the crowd. Stretches, showing off his powerful, tall, physique. Sits back down and resumes brushing his hair*  
  
BILLY, CHUCK, GODFATHER'S ESCORTS, TRISH, ETC, ETC,- *swoon*  
  
KEVIN NASH- *stands and looks down at the fainted admirers. Smiles proudly* Oh yeah. I'm gooood. Just call me by old name: Big Sexy......  
  
VAL VENIS- *grumbles* You are not! I'm the Ultimate Ladies' Man!! They love me better!  
  
KEVIN NASH- Prove it, Val!  
  
VAL VENIS- I will!!! *pauses* Uh....Author? That is, if it's alright with you.....  
  
KEVIN NASH- *chuckles* Yeah, 'the ultimate ladies man'. Sure. They *control* you!  
  
AUTHOR- Huh???? HOW'D I FALL ASLEEP IN MY OWN FIC???  
  
HHH- *being helpful* Well, you started by closing your eyes. Then, you started breathing deeply....and then....BAM!!!.....You're asleep!  
  
AUTHOR- Someone PLEASE kick his foutnain-spewing, moronic ass for me!  
  
HHH- My ass is a fountain? Wait....how can it be a moron if it doesn't have a brain? Wait, DOES IT????? *turns round and round, trying to see the brain and in his butt*  
  
AUTHOR- Anyone??  
  
STONE COLD- What??  
  
AUTHOR- *knowing that's a 'Why' in Stone Cold Language* Cause he is annoying me!  
  
STONE COLD- Oh. What? Okay.  
  
*STONE COLD, SCOTTY 2 HOTTY, ALBERT, and JAZZ beat the stuffing out of Fountain Boy*  
  
AUTHOR- Thanks. *gives them all FREE MATCHES coupons* Now, then, Val.....uh, what'd you want again?  
  
VAL VENIS- A match against Kevin N-  
  
KEVIN NASH- Uh, that's KEVIN **BIG SEXY** NASH to you!  
  
VAL VENIS- Whatever. Anyway, a match against Nash to determine who the Ultimate Ladies' Man is!  
  
AUTHOR- I need to quit falling asleep in my fics o_O..... But, you got it! *wonders how they will prove that...checks her rating* Uh.....no nudity, guys!  
  
CHUCK, BILLY, VAL VENIS, KEVIN 'BIG SEXY' NASH- Drat! *VAL & KEVIN look at BILLY & CHUCK strangely* o_O  
  
AN- Well, enough for chapter 3. I won't say R/R.....I've said it enough.  
  
*A booth appears out of nowhere. SCOTTY 2 HOTTY & ALBERT are doing their dance moves to their theme music. A sign above the booth reads "Will Dance For Reviews". *  
  
AUTHOR- Uh..........I had nothing to do with that! Honest! 


	4. Jeff Hardy Leanrs to Strip!

AN- *giggles* Anytime you mention the Hardyz, your fic is automatically being read. Well....um.....the summary was true.......Jeff Hardy gets stripping lessons...........*runs for cover*  
  
INFORMATIVE DUDE- SCOTTY 2 HOTTY & ALBERT will not be with us this reading. They wore themselves out last night dancing.  
  
BILLY- *giggles mischeviously and pinches CHUCK where the sun don't shine* As did we. Except we were dancing in the shee--  
  
ROCK- IT DOESN'T MATTER WHERE YOU DANCED YOU **SICK** FREAKS!!!  
  
CHUCK- *sobbing* That was.....so....  
  
SCSA- WHAT????  
  
BILLY- *sobbing also* He's trying to say that's so rud--  
  
SCSA- WHAT?? WHAT??? WHAT?????? WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
  
BILLY & CHUCK- AHHHHH!!!!!! *run from the fic*  
  
AUTHOR- Damn it!! There goes my gay humor....  
  
INFORMATIVE DUDE- She never means for any of her gay, or otherwise, humor to offend anyone.  
  
Y2J- Jesus, I.D. You sure know how to ruin a good joke. Ass clown  
  
EDGE- Yeah. I.D. totally reeks of......*sniff* reeks of....... *sniff again* DAMN! HE JUST REEKS!  
  
KANE- Long time, been with HHH. Know that smell, I do. I.D. reek not. Stench, familiar it is.  
  
HHH *walks in, carrying a big picture frame. Smiles at it proudly*  
  
AUTHOR- What.......*sniff*......is.......that??????  
  
HHH- My collection.  
  
AUTHOR- OF?????  
  
KANE- Lucy's poop, collection made of. Disgusting, it is, very!  
  
AUTHOR- Well said, KANE. HHH, get rid of it.....NOW!!!!!!  
  
HHH- But........  
  
AUTHOR- *throws it to Afghanistan and blows it up*  
  
INFORMATIVE DUDE- *reading from newspaper* The world remains stunned today. Afghanistan burned down, killing everyone on it, including millions....  
  
UNSEEN ROCK FANS- AND MILLIONS!!!!  
  
ROCK- Only do that for me, my loyal fans.  
  
INFORMATIVE DUDE-..........of American soldiers. The neighboring countries are evacuating due to a very, very, bad smell. And in other news.......  
  
AUTHOR- Uh.....well.........It's HHH's fault!  
  
HHH- *sobbing like a pansy* I'm....a......murder......Uh.....What is it called again?  
  
EDGE- Murderer, reeky moron.  
  
Y2J- Ass clown is a better term.  
  
EDGE- True, but I couldn't steal it.  
  
Y2J- True.  
  
HHH- I'm a ......murderer!!! *leaves the fic, sobbing. The water he dumps on his forehead dumps everywhere*  
  
AUTHOR- Oh, this is wonderful. My Undisputed Champion just left. There go all my 'fountain boy' and Dumb Champ jokes. WHO'S GONNA LEAVE NEXT????  
  
*Jeff Hardy attempts to leave. AUTHOR hears shouts from his many fans about his appearance*  
  
ROCK- Uh.....Jabroni? You weren't in this fic to begin with.....  
  
JEFF- *stops, looking at a map* Damn it! I made a wrong turn at the R Angst fics. I'm supposed to be in one of those naughty fics, screwing some 'new diva'. Can you show me the EXIT out of this fic?  
  
AUTHOR- Sure, it's over.....*stops. After a pause, AUTHOR smiles evilly*  
  
ROCK- Referring to yourself in 3rd person. The Rock would never do that. The Rock thinks that's retarded.  
  
JEFF- Uh......I don't like the look of that smile.....  
  
EDGE- You shouldn't. It means she's plotting something. Usually, something not good for a character. And, since you're the newest, the plots on your, dude.  
  
AUTHOR- *sly* Jeeeeeeeefffff, ol' buddy, ol' pal. What's Matt doing?  
  
JEFF- *nervous* Uh, Matt is taking my place at the afore mentioned naughty fic until I arrive.  
  
AUTHOR- Good. You're the cuter of the two, anyways.  
  
JEFF- Thanks, I think.  
  
SCOTT HALL- But, you still love me, right?  
  
AUTHOR- Of course I do, honey bunny. I just think Jeff is kinda cute, that's all.  
  
SCOTT HALL- Better keep that 'kinda', chica.  
  
JEFF- *tries to make a mad dash for the exit*  
  
KANE- *grabs him by the hair* Weak spot, your hair is. Hair of rainbow....just not natural.  
  
JEFF- Damn. I need to get this all cut....  
  
UNSEEN JEFF FANGIRLS- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!  
  
ALL- *cover their ears until AUTHOR puts the crazed girls on mute*  
  
JEFF- *digging for excuses to leave* But....uh......You're interrupting some girl's creativity....not to mention her fantasies.....  
  
AUTHOR- That's nice. Anyway, you're wrong. KANE, realease him. *KANE does so* Now then, JEFF, take off your shirt.  
  
JEFF- *shrugs. Too easy. Takes it off and tosses it the floor. Stretches, showing off his perfect white chest*  
  
UNSEEN JEFF FANGIRLS- *droooooooooooooling*  
  
ROCK- WHAT IN THE BLUE HELL WAS *THAT*????????  
  
JEFF- What'd I do wrong? I took off my shir---  
  
ROCK- Let the ROCK interrupt you right there, Jabroni.  
  
JEFF- What's a Jabroni?  
  
ROCK- Don't **you** interrupt the ROCK!! Now then. You take the shirt off 'casually'?? CASUALLY???  
  
STONE COLD- WHAT?????  
  
ROCK- Thanks, S.C. My thoughts exactly. You are in the fantasies of MILLIONS  
  
UNSEEN ROCK FANS- AND MILLIONS!!!  
  
ROCK- AND MILLIONS of females....  
  
BILLY AND CHUCK- Don't forget the male fan base!  
  
ALL- o_O  
  
AUTHOR- I don't think I need to ask why you two came back.......  
  
ROCK- **As** the ROCK was saying......You just take the shirt off like it means nothing???  
  
HURRICANE- WASUPWIDAT???  
  
STONE COLD- If you want to see Jeff Hardy learn how to strip properly, gimme a HELL YEAH!!  
  
AUTHOR- *covers ears as she un-mutes*  
  
UNSEEN JEFF FANGIRLS- HHHHHHHEEEEEELLLLLLL YYYYYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!  
  
ROCK- The fans believe in you. The ROCK believes in you. So, Jeff, let's see you take that shirt off right!!  
  
JEFF *mumbling* Geez, it's just a shirt..... *hopeful* But, but, who will teach me? Noone here to do that....  
  
BILLY AND CHUCK- We're experts on male stripping! WE'LL teach you! *Drag him to the backroom*  
  
JEFF- HELLLLLLLPPPPP MEEEEEEE!!!!  
  
UNSEEN JEFF FANGIRLS- AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! DON'T YOU ***DARE*** MAKE HIM GAY!!!!  
  
AUTHOR- Uh.....shouldn't this chapter have the match between VAL & NASH? Oh....well! *gets fireproof safety gear for all of her cast, in preperation for the flamers. Runs from the room, wearing the gear* 


	5. Billy and Chuck's Lessons

INFORMATIVE DUDE- *Is sitting behind a desk, like a newscaster. Clears throat* Ahem. I have some bad news, or good news.....it all depends on how you look at it. This fic will not turn to NC-17.  
  
UNSEEN JEFF HARDY FANS- AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!! *sniffle*  
  
INFORMATIVE DUDE- Anyway.....Undertaker, DDP, Christian, and Edge, will not be with us in the duration of this fic. They are in another fic called......  
  
AUTHOR- Inner Demons!! *holds up a sign with the title flashing in multi- colored lights* But, I don't want to advertise or anything......  
  
INFORMATIVE DUDE- We're sure you don't. So, if you get a chance, check it out. And in other news....  
  
Y2J- *cuts off the program* Okay, enough that moron. Onto the fic!  
  
AUTHOR- Uh....there's SUPPOSED to be a fic here?  
  
SCSA- WHAT???  
  
AUTHOR- Damn it! I knew I forgot something!  
  
HURRICANE- WASSUPWIDDAT?!  
  
ROCK- I would like to know that myself, Jabroni. Well, maybe we should let the millions--  
  
UNSEEN ROCK AND JEFF FANS- AND MILLIONS!!!!!  
  
ROCK- and MILLIONS of Jeff fans decide what goes on in this fic......  
  
X-PAC- WASSSSSUPPPPPPPP?!?!?! *does the tongue thing*  
  
AUTHOR- *sigh* He does that so well.....  
  
X-PAC- o_O Erm......maybe it's a bad thing to be in this fic....I've heard stories about the AUTHOR.....*leaves quickly*  
  
AUTHOR- STORIES?!!? What kind of stories?!!? Hey!!!  
  
Y2J- *nervous chuckle* Maybe we should see how Jeff's lessons are going? *camera goes to Titantron*  
  
-------------------------------------------------Informative Dude- Page Break, folks.----------------------------------------------  
  
**It shows BILLY & CHUCK looking down at something. They are wearing their usual red wrestling outfits.....if you could call them outfits....**  
  
BILLY- Hmmmmm.....Chuck, I think you did something wrong....  
  
CHUCK- Yeah, he's covered in--  
  
BILLY- Didn't I tell you it was a bad idea? I do remember that I did. He's fragile. You shouldn't have...  
  
CHUCK- I know! *sniffle* I just couldn't resist! He was lying there, opening his wide mouth, looking so unclean, and I couldn't help myself! I though to myself, "Self......Rainbow needs a bath!"  
  
BILLY- Rainbow?? Is *that* his name now? I thought it was--  
  
CHUCK- It doesn't matter now, does it? He's dead!! DEAD!!  
  
BILLY- You killed Goldie!!! *they cry together*  
  
JEFF- *walks in* Uh.....Dudes? Goldie, or Rainbow, has been dead since this morning.....shouldn't you take him out of the bathtub?  
  
CHUCK- But he was out faveorite Goldfish!!!  
  
JEFF- He was your ONLY goldfish......  
  
CHUCK- EXACTLY! How was I supposed to know you don't give Goldfishes bubblebaths, huh?  
  
JEFF- *holding up a book* It says so right here, first page. Didn't you read it?  
  
BILLY- Uh.....We were supposed to read that???  
  
JEFF- I guess not. Uh....don't I strip again tonight?  
  
CHUCK- Oh, yeah. ^_^ Now, let's get you oiled up!  
  
BILLY- Yes! Let's!!! *grab a bottle of baby oil while CHUCK grabs vaseline and they slowly advance towards JEFF*  
  
JEFF- o_O........Someone help me!  
  
-------------------------------------------------Informative Dude- Page Break, folks. Thanks.---------------------------------  
  
UNSEEN JEFF FANS- Oil.....good........Turning gay.....bad. *half cheer, half boo*  
  
AUTHOR- *Mutes both sides*  
  
KANE- Odd, it is. Fans, annoying, most. Get rid of them, you should. Psychiatric help, busy, on phone. For WWF Superstars, no help.  
  
ROCK- The Rock says, he doesn't need help! The Rock says, he has no problems with himself. The Rock says....  
  
KEVIN NASH- Shut up already!  
  
ROCK- You dare interrupt the Rock, the most electrifying man in sports entertain----  
  
SCOTT HALL- *wacks him with a steel chair. The 3 members then pose, doing their symbol with their hands raised*  
  
AUTHOR- Thanks. He was getting annoying......*her and SCOTT smooch*  
  
KEVIN NASH- Uh......not to interrupt or anything, but, can we get to MY match in this fic?  
  
AUTHOR- *thinks* Oh, right........You vs. Val, right?  
  
KEVIN NASH- Yeah.  
  
AUTHOR- Erm......I'm afraid to ask this. But, how do you plan to PROVE who is the sexiest?  
  
KEVIN NASH- *wicked smile* Simple. We agreed to ask the crowd and whoever they choose, is the winner.  
  
AUTHOR- Oh, okay. Bring Val out!  
  
*VAL VENIS walks out, his intro playing over the titantron. Him and Nash stand in the ring, waiting. X-Pac flips a coin; Nash calls Heads and Val calls tails. It lands Tails.*  
  
VAL VENIS- I go first! *evil smile* HELLLLLOOOOOOOOOO LADIES! *Crowd cheers wildly....Author makes sure all of her cast has ear plugs.*  
  
KEVIN NASH- *does his sexy smile. Does a few poses, sweeping his hair back from his eyes. The crowd goes wild......the rest of the cast clamps their hands over their ears, as the ear plugs can't block all the sound out*  
  
VAL VENIS- Hey! That's messed up! This is so totally rigged!  
  
AUTHOR- *looks at the nWo-shirt wearing crowd* How do you say that?  
  
VAL VENIS- Whatever. *leaves*  
  
AUTHOR- Well, an age old question has been answered! Kevin Nash IS better than Val Venis!  
  
RIC FLAIR- WOOOooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOO!!  
  
AUTHOR- Couldn't have said it better!  
  
INFORMATIVE DUDE- Hey yo. AUTHOR will continue this story, do not fret, my fans. She has just come upon a serious Writer's Block.........  
  
UNDERTAKER- Actually, she's working on Inner Dem---  
  
AUTHOR- I am not!! Honest! Ahem............ 


End file.
